Progress

Somehow I haven't messed anything up yet. I haven't been doing too much research simply because my life is pretty chaotic. It's been over a week since I pulled last, and I'm constantly in fear that I'll mess up. My friend, a psych major, told me that this is the extinction burst. Even Wikipedia is a little too complex for me, but my friend explained that there is a definite possibility that I'll crack and my pulling will get much worse for a period before I slowly work my way to eliminating this behavior. Given past experiences with trying to stop pulling, I'm not surprised that this could happen, even if my RA says that I'm strong and will get through this.

Besides some of the more technical terms, can I just say that this sucks? The past couple days have gotten to be very taxing on me as far as not pulling. Whenever I have some downtime, especially while reading/doing homework, I always find my hand making its way to my scalp. I've done really well to will it back to place, but it's so tempting. If I honestly can't keep my hands out of my hair (and this has happened), I've tried scratching the skin. It's all stimulus, so sometimes scratching or the pressure point thing works really well.

< I've been using one of these babies to help scratch my head, too. It helps to not use my fingers to get rid of the sensations because I'm always afraid that I'll accidentally pull and I don't know how to handle that.

From their blogs to mine

So shortly after creating this blog, I went on a reading frenzy around some of the blogs/articles up on TLC. This is the Trichotillomania Learning Center, and for those of you who pull (over even pick skin) this is a great resource for you. I really honed in on two specific ones: "Surviving Freshman Year" and "50 Ways to Stop Pulling Your Hair." These were important to me because:

1. I'm in college... even if I'm NOT a freshman. I think college poses tons of difficulties.
2. If I can find ONE trick to help me stop pulling, I'll do it.

Basically, I've learned that having trich can get me benefits in class. No, really. If you can get a physician to sign off on your situation, you can be accomodated. This is a real thing, so if we need help, we are entitled to it. For me, this is most likely going to include counseling services, which I may have already mentioned. Along those lines, my trich is related to stress, so if I can get accomodations for both.

The author also provides 3 really good tips:

1. Keep yourself in a public place as you're less likely to pull. I definitely like to be around people because it keeps me honest and helps relieve anxiety I feel from being isolated.
2. Get enough sleep, be hydrated and eat well. This one is REALLY hard for me because I don't sleep... It's almost impossible due to my schedule which leads into...
3. Time management! Seriously, post-its and planners are my best friend. I'm trying to get even closer.

These are things I'm actively working on (some more than others). Of course, I steal ideas from everywhere. There are lots of suggestions in the second article. One that I have found really helpful s playing with silly putty in class. Not only does it keep my hands busy, it makes me keep my hands away from my head. I don't want to mix that stuff. I'm also incorporating a sticker chart in my life. A little childish (especially since I'm using Disney princesses), but for every day that I don't pull, I'm going to ask my roommate to put a sticker on our calendar. This way I'm accountable to her and myself. I get a sticker for yesterday by the way. It was the first time I went a day without pulling since early January :)

One last thing I'm working on is of my own design. The inside of each of my wrists currently read 2/14 6:00 pm. This is the last time I pulled. Every time I reach to tug at a hair, I see it and am reminded of the progress I've made thusfar, and I don't want to mess it up.

So what the hell is this thing?

Great question, isn't it? Well, I first discovered the term in December of 2009. After my first semester at college, I realized that I had been pulling my hair... a lot. When I was a kid I'd pull out my eyelashes and even in high school, I'd come home and immediately pluck my eyebrows. They were too thin and uneven and just gross. Basically, this behavior went a long way back, but I didn't look into it until then.

I got over 10 million hits when I put hair pulling into Google. Apparently, I was not alone. I quickly delved into a mountain of information (ideas that I'm still sifting through today). I learned that what I have is called, you guessed it, Trichotillomania. Which Mayo Clinic defines as, "an irresistible urge to pull out hair from your scalp, eyebrows or other areas of your body." I already knew that, though.

Over winterim, I told my family and they were really supportive, and I even did a research paper for my introductory English class in my spring semester. I learned some of the psychological roots, which eerily fit my life, as well as some of the genetics (which made no sense to me, honestly). From that point it was a half-hearted struggle to curb my pulling. I ended up pushing my hairline back about a centimeter, and I came back from class more than once with a significant chunk of my eyelashes missing. Attempting to at least find ways to cope with my stress, I sought help in counseling services with little success.

About a year after my self-diagnosis, I left the country to study abroad. I almost never pulled. My life was almost entirely devoid of stress and the pains in my legs went away during this period, too. I knew that my trich had stress at its roots (no pun intended). Although this was great headway, I still had to learn to deal with everything once I came home.

With a fresh pixie cut to hide the returning hairline, I didn't pull for much of the summer. My first semester back got me worrying, and now I'm onto full blown trich break down. Not a day goes by that I don't pull. I sometimes can't even sit through an entire class without tugging at hairs. I've concentrated on two particular points on the crown of my head which are now scabbed from my pulling methods. They are a constant source of pain and a reminder that this is what I do.

My plan of attack is to start seeing a counselor again. Even if they don't know a thing about trich, they should know about cognitive behavioral therapy. I plan on weaning myself off of caffeine (this one is going to be TOUGH). Also, I want to work out more to help burn up some of my stress. I need to plan my life out so I know what needs to be done and when. I'll keep you posted on how all this goes, which days are good and which are bad.