So what the hell is this thing?

Great question, isn't it? Well, I first discovered the term in December of 2009. After my first semester at college, I realized that I had been pulling my hair... a lot. When I was a kid I'd pull out my eyelashes and even in high school, I'd come home and immediately pluck my eyebrows. They were too thin and uneven and just gross. Basically, this behavior went a long way back, but I didn't look into it until then.

I got over 10 million hits when I put hair pulling into Google. Apparently, I was not alone. I quickly delved into a mountain of information (ideas that I'm still sifting through today). I learned that what I have is called, you guessed it, Trichotillomania. Which Mayo Clinic defines as, "an irresistible urge to pull out hair from your scalp, eyebrows or other areas of your body." I already knew that, though.

Over winterim, I told my family and they were really supportive, and I even did a research paper for my introductory English class in my spring semester. I learned some of the psychological roots, which eerily fit my life, as well as some of the genetics (which made no sense to me, honestly). From that point it was a half-hearted struggle to curb my pulling. I ended up pushing my hairline back about a centimeter, and I came back from class more than once with a significant chunk of my eyelashes missing. Attempting to at least find ways to cope with my stress, I sought help in counseling services with little success.

About a year after my self-diagnosis, I left the country to study abroad. I almost never pulled. My life was almost entirely devoid of stress and the pains in my legs went away during this period, too. I knew that my trich had stress at its roots (no pun intended). Although this was great headway, I still had to learn to deal with everything once I came home.

With a fresh pixie cut to hide the returning hairline, I didn't pull for much of the summer. My first semester back got me worrying, and now I'm onto full blown trich break down. Not a day goes by that I don't pull. I sometimes can't even sit through an entire class without tugging at hairs. I've concentrated on two particular points on the crown of my head which are now scabbed from my pulling methods. They are a constant source of pain and a reminder that this is what I do.

My plan of attack is to start seeing a counselor again. Even if they don't know a thing about trich, they should know about cognitive behavioral therapy. I plan on weaning myself off of caffeine (this one is going to be TOUGH). Also, I want to work out more to help burn up some of my stress. I need to plan my life out so I know what needs to be done and when. I'll keep you posted on how all this goes, which days are good and which are bad.